The Agony of the Almost

My life, I thought I knew it, understood its way,
But one truth echoes, clearer every day:
Whatever my heart longs for, yearns to claim,
It pulls me close, whispers its sweet name.
It lets me touch, lets me feel its true embrace,
A glimpse of bliss, a grace few ever taste.
I live that dream, so vivid, wild, and bright,
Bathed in the warmth of its imagined light.
Then sudden... gone,

Like waking with a gasp, the dream undone.

My eyes open to the cold, hard, empty space,
Reality, a cruel mirror to my face.

I know my wants, they'll never find their shore,
Never anchor, never truly be more.
Yet, something in me pulls, I can't resist,
To chase that phantom, forever bittersweet.
And so, I'm learning, changing, day by day,
To meet life's blows in a different way.

The moment joy feels close, almost within my hold,
I step back softly, my true self unfolds.
Before the world can shatter what I crave,
I build my own small wall to keep me safe.
Before life hands me its sharp, cruel surprise,
I prepare my own heart, I dry my own eyes.
I taste brief heavens few will ever know, 
Then watch them vanish, a solitary, endless blow.